Why I Gave Up and Why I Hope I Never Stop

Posted by on Nov 4, 2015 in Blog | 0 comments

This school year has been a beating for me. In the past, I would get up at 6:00, spend time seeking God, write a bit, and then get my son to school. With the new schedule, there is no writing time, unless I get up at 5:00. Since I’m not one of those people blessed with high functionality on low sleep, the writing has been difficult to keep up.

This morning I was particularly stressed. Once again, I hadn’t made it to bed early enough to do any writing. My October blog deadline had come and gone, November was here, and I just couldn’t seem to keep up. I had a collection of half-written blogs, a half-tank of energy, a half-cleaned kitchen, deadlines looming, family functions and Christmas coming, e-mails and texts to return, and I just wanted to cry.

I needed to call in the big guns. I prayed. I also texted a couple friends to pray. I read my Bible, landing in the psalms with exhortations to praise the Lord.

Then the day began. Clothes, bananas, bagels, medicines, diapers, backpacks loaded, and off to school. We prayed, and I followed the instructions in the psalms and joined in with the praise music on the radio. We made it to school with a minute to spare. If my son walked fast enough, he had a chance to make it on time. Victory.

With the first milestone reached, I turned my attention fully to praising God while driving the other two kids home. The perfect song was on the radio! “Breathe it in and breath it out” the lyrics instructed. I turned it up, sang along, and breathed in and out with joy. I wasn’t breathing just the exhaust from the loud, cranky car in front of us, I was breathing in the Holy Spirit and his strength, encouragement, and grace. My eyes were on him.

The next song was, “Steal My Show” by Toby Mac. “Yes, God, take control,” I prayed. “No, kids, I need this music. We’re not having quiet right now. You can plug your ears if you want.” I continued belting it out, soaking in the joy of God’s presence—and the joy of seeing my two year old copy her brother in the rear-view mirror. Two cuter kids with hands covering their ears, you’ve never seen. 🙂

The next song moved me as well. “This is my white flag in the wind…You are the air I breathe, you are the song I bleed…” So beautiful.

And that’s where I am. Finding the balance between family, writing, rest, chores, and fun has been difficult this year. I’m not exactly sure how all of this is supposed to work. This is my white flag in the wind.


But here’s what I do know. I need God. I can’t breathe one breath without him. And I wouldn’t want to. White flag held high, I turn my eyes to him, I sing his praise, and I feel the joy of his presence.

Feeling stressed? I highly recommend surrender.

When we give up the control we never had and give our lives to God, he makes it beautiful.

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